Dear FanFiction
by Blondie B. Happy
Summary: The characters of PJO write to FanFiction and its authors. It concerns slash, lemons, pairings, OTP's, Tumblr posts, Tweets, pop culture, current affairs, and the stories in general. Just for laughs and fun, no harm intended! Rated T for language, references, and a very sexy Leo.
1. Chapter 1

**Why'd I do this? Because I was bored and in need of a laugh, that's why! I swear, I'm not trying to rip off the thousands that've already done this. I just need to laugh sometimes… and when I write these, don't think I'm downgrading the stories, because I love most of them! So, ****Disclaimer: All rights go to those before me who started this and Rick Riordan.**

* * *

Dear FanFiction,

I was wandering across the rated M fanfics in the certain Percy Jackson and the Olympians section, and I've come to notice that some people have started to write stories concerning Drew and Jason. Him being my brother, I do not want to be overly protective, but really? She's a snarky bitch that looks like a clown with makeup tattooed to her ugly-ass face.

Jason has never liked Drew, nor will he ever like Drew. No one likes Drew unless she charmspeaks them into thinking so, and even then it's questionable.

So next time, think before you write something like that. It may be FanFiction, but for real… why? And no doubt many of you will read this and then go search them up… sickos.

Yours in text,

~Thalia Grace, Daughter of Zeus, Lieutenant of Artemis


	2. Chapter 2

Dear FanFiction,

I recently came across the funniest thing on Tumblr, and I thought you would all get a kick out of it:

"Posted by calypsos-island:

Our main OTP is in hell **_we still ship them  
_**Jason and Piper were fucking manipulated by a goddess **_we still ship them  
_**Charlie and Silena are dead as fuck **_we still ship them  
_**Hazel is in a love triangle with a boy who is the literal child of fire and a boy who will die from fire **_we still ship them  
_**_THERE IS A JASONxBRICK FANDOM FOR CHRISTS SAKE  
_Moral of the story, people can ship whatever the fuck they want."

Anyway... well, thanks for shipping all of us! It makes me feel loved... and remember kids: Team Leo!

Yours Truly,

Leo Valdez, Son of Hephaestus, Supreme Commander of the Argo II


	3. Chapter 3

Dear FanFiction,

Percabeth... it's all I hear. Everywhere I go, it's always, 'Percabeth is my OTP! I'll ship them forever!'. Well, some of us have feelings too, and moreover relationships. Have you just forgotten about Grover and I? It's our two year anniversary and we don't even get any recognition? Sometimes, I just wished people would think about us too, because believe it or not, we exist.

But I do love Percy and Annabeth together. They're just so cute.

From,

Juniper


	4. Chapter 4

Dear FanFiction,

Miss Know-it-all-ness Athena and I are in a fight, so cast your vote: Team Athena or Team Poseidon? Which is better, and if you were a demigod child, which of us would you rather have as a parent? (The answer is me)

From,

Lord Poseidon of the Sea


	5. Chapter 5

Dear FanFiction,

Why am I always portrayed as the bitch or slut in FanFics? Just wondering what I did to make you guys think of me like that...

-Rachel Elizabeth Dare, The Oracle of Camp Half-Blood


	6. Chapter 6

Dear FanFiction,

Happy Easter to ALL... What? You're not going to wish me the same? Well, screw you then...

Sincerely,

Percy Jackson, Son of Poseidon


	7. Chapter 7

Dear FanFiction,

I'm expecting a baby. That's right; a baby! Like, a legacy. And many of you believe that the father would most likely be Percy. I'm sorry, but it's actually Mr. Grover Underwood. I've been in love with him for a long time, and he has been cheating on Juniper and I've been on Percy. We're madly in love... Haha, April Fools. Like I would ever get knocked up by Goat Boy...

~Annabeth Chase, Daughter of Athena, Head Architect of Olympus


	8. Chapter 8

Dear FanFiction,

Thalia and I don't even like each other, so why would you pair us together in so many stories!? Seriously, we're practically cousins... it's kind of gross.

Sincerely,

Nico di Angelo, Son of Hades


	9. Chapter 9

Dear FanFiction,

I have sexdaily! I mean, dyslexia! *And now, you insert you LOLZ and ROTFLs*

~Leo Valdez, Supreme Dictator (and Repair Boy) of the World


	10. Chapter 10

Dear FanFiction,

It's kind of weird that even though I can control storms, I still get wet in them, and Percy doesn't. It'd be nice to be immune to water.

From,

Jason Grace, Son of Jupiter


	11. Chapter 11

Dear FanFiction,

Should I be flattered or concerned that everyone across Tumblr thinks that the ultimate Percabeth song is State of Grace by Taylor Swift? (As posted by _Seaweed Brain's Secretary_ and _as-long-as-percabeth-is-together_) I mean, it says, "This is the state of grace, this is the worthwhile fight," and "These are the hands of fate. You're my Achilles Heel."

I suppose the 'Achilles Heel' thing is sort of accurate, but to me, the song sounds like a Jason/Piper thing, especially since it's called State of Grace. Leave your opinions.

~Annabeth Chase


	12. Chapter 12

Dear FanFiction,

I get that this is FanFiction but... me and Nico? How do you even come up with pairings like that?

From,

Rachel Elizabeth Dare, Oracle


	13. Chapter 13

Dear FanFiction,

I love you guys, I really do. But the racist jokes and saying, "Frank was like a big cuddly panda," is a little mean and jerk-ish. That's like calling this chick Katie (Blondie B. Happy), a dumb blonde. It may be true, but we don't want to hear it. Thanks for understanding.

Sincerely,

Frank Zhang, Son of Mars


	14. Chapter 14

Dear FanFiction,

Greetings loyal fans that I love dearly! The House of Hades draft has been finished and is being revised (as posted by Rick Riordan on Twitter) which means you all will get to read more about a wonderfully horrid adventure where we... no, I don't do spoilers. You'll just have to wait until October to find out more! Sorry.

Yours in text,

Piper McLean, Daughter of Aphrodite


	15. Chapter 15

Dear FanFiction,

Why do people just love to write slash between Nico and I? I mean, seriously, it's one of the most popular pairings, and it just makes no sense.

-Percy Jackson, Son of Poseidon


	16. Chapter 16

Dear FanFiction,

Just because I like Katie doesn't mean you have to write 10 million FanFics so that she and world know. Gods.

Yours Truly,

Travis Stoll, Son of Hermes


	17. Chapter 17

Dear FanFiction,

I'm curious... do you find it weird that I'm dating Frank when, technically, I'm WAY older than he is?

From,

Hazel Levesque, Daughter of Pluto


	18. Chapter 18

Dear FanFiction,

How dare you all write slash stories concerning me and the Poseidon brat. It's not even relevant. You all are disgusting, moronic imbeciles, and if you don't stop, I will condemn you to eternal Punishment with the Furies. So help me, I'll make your lives living nightmares and your deaths even worse. And I will do the same to Jackson.

Yours in Damnation,

Lord Hades, God of The Underworld


	19. Chapter 19

Dear FanFiction,

Giving that I am King of Olympus and ruler of all, I have decreed a poll. Which of the Big Three do you like the most? Zeus, Poseidon, or Hades? Or perhaps you are Roman... If so, then are you Team Jupiter, Neptune, or Pluto?

Yours truly,

Lord Zeus, God of the Sky


	20. Chapter 20

Dear FanFiction,

Prepare to feel your ovaries explode from pure hotness, ladies. Now, as for the men reading... well, maybe you'll like this too. But my Team Leo people will be saying, "Hot damn," all night long. You wanna know why? Take a guess at what I'm doing right now. I bet you'll be wrong, but you might as well try?

Wait, are you all thinking dirty thoughts? I just realized what I said was very vague. Aw, y'all are nasty. I'm doing anything like_ that_.

But were you able to guess? Because:

I'm twerking.

~Leo Valdez, Sexiest Man Alive as of 2013:)


	21. Chapter 21

Dear FanFiction,

Wanna take a guess at who I like? Maybe someone will get it right... come on, everyone has a crush, even me. But I'm pretty sure she'll never notice me.

From,

Dakota, Son of Bacchus


	22. Chapter 22

Dear FanFiction,

Well, I feel like an idiot, since every person pretty much knew that it was Gwen. I thought I kept it pretty secret, but I guess not... But what I'm wondering now is why many of you thought it was Reyna...

~Dakota, Son of Bacchus


	23. Chapter 23

Dear FanFiction,

Hi. I'm tired. Michael Jackson is awesome. _"Don't stop till you get enough! Woohoo_!" 'Nuff said.

~Clovis, Son of Hypnos


	24. Chapter 24

Dear FanFiction,

I don't fucking care if Silena was my friend. Those Aphrodite bitches better stay out of my fucking way and quit pissing me off about my relationship with Chris or I will bitch slap them so hard that I'll knock their makeup and skimpy asses all the way to California. Actually, no; I'll knock them all the way to the mid-Pacific so that they can drown, because I'm pretty sure the idiots don't know how to swim worth a shit.

Every single day, wherever I go, it is the same thing. They talk in their stupid pre-puberty voices about Chris and I. If I hear one more bitchy comment about my hair or how he deserves better, I don't care what Chiron says, I'm gonna kill them one by one, and I swear I will enjoy it.

~Clarisse La Rue, Daughter of Ares


	25. Chapter 25

Dear FanFiction,

Did you guys here what Rick Riordan tweeted a few days ago? That's right... He's making a book in which I narrate great scenes from Greek Mythology... or something like that. I don't know, he hasn't given me the script. It was a complete surprise to me too. But this is legit, I tell you. This is no joke. You heard it here first...

What? You already read the tweet? Your neighborhood cat told you? Well, whatever. Don't say I never gave you anything.

Yours Truly and All That Jazz,

Percy Jackson, Son of Poseidon


	26. Chapter 26

Dear FanFiction,

So, every website is getting on my nerves now. They keep changing their fricking layouts every five days so that we have no idea what to do. And it's not only that; it's other things, like Windows. I like Windows XP and Windows 7. They were pretty similar and straightforward. And then Windows 8 comes around and confuses the hell out of me. I even bought Windows 8 for Dummies and I have no idea what to do! There's YouTube, Google, and even FanFiction. MAKE UP YOUR MIND INTERNET!

From,

Blondie B. Happy, Daughter of Athena. **(AN: Yeah, this was just a rant that I needed to get out there)**


	27. Chapter 27

Dear FanFiction,

Normally, I am not one to draw attention to myself about things that occur on this website. What you choose to write about it your choice, but I am honestly just a little bit confused as to why people are suddenly pairing the sister of the guy I like, Thalia, and I together in femslash stories. They are very... unusual and I am not sure how this pairing has come up, considering we've never even met each other.

Sincerely,

Reyna, Daughter of Bellona


	28. Chapter 28

Dear FanFiction,

Guess what comes out tomorrow? That's right! The Serpent's Shadow in paperback, that book that talks about our Egyptian friends, Carter and Sadie (yes, we know them.) But more importantly, it is the first place you can get the Son of Sobek, where my good friends Percy and Carter meet each other. Otherwise, you'll have to wait until June to order the ebook. So, if you haven't read the Kane Chronicles yet, go buy the series, and if you've already read all of the books, head over to the nearest bookstore and read the short story!

From,

Grover Underwood, Lord of the Wild, Protector


	29. Chapter 29

Dear FanFiction,

"LET'S GO TO THE BEACH, EACH, LET'S GO GET AWAY. THEY SAY WHAT THEY GONNA SAY. HAVE A DRINK, CLINK, FOUND A BUD LIGHT. BAD BITCHES LIKE ME, IT'S HARD TO COME BY!"Okay, maybe I had some Red Bull, but come, I think I'd be a lovely pop star, like the next Enrique Iglesias or something like that!

~Leo Valdez, a better Nicki Minaj since 1853! 'Cause, "STARSHIPS, ARE MEANT TO FLLLYYYY!"


	30. Chapter 30

Dear FanFiction,

The Gods' version of YOLO: 'YOLF'... You Only Live Forever. (Tweeted by Rick Riordan)

-Apollo, God of Music, Lord of the Prophecy


	31. Chapter 31

Dear FanFiction,

DAMMIT DEMIGODS! Eat your mother freaking cereal before I... jkcebcjcecwckilgsdwn! If you know what I mean... And I don't mean no Cinnamon Toast Crunch. I mean the real deal: Honey Bunches of Oats! And if you don't, I swear to my mother Rhea I'll... sdhtjodnkliagof!

From,

Demeter, Goddess of the Harvest


	32. Chapter 32

Dear FanFiction,

Yeah, Annabeth and I are dating and all that jazz, but some of these M Rated Stories about us are just plain disgusting. They usually have her drunk or tutoring me and then we wind up in my cabin or bedroom or... heck, even on the streets, having sex. It's pretty nasty. Besides, how would you all even know if we were in a sexual relationship or not? I sure as hell don't have a FaceGram or whatever it is.

Even if I sometimes dream about things like that happening (not being a pervert or anything), it's still not cool. And I read one of them where I was... Nope, I can't even say it because this is Rated T and I think my knowledge would have some of y'all throwing up. But yeah, smut and lemons can be nasty.

I will say that they are sometimes pretty cool and interesting and... oh, Hades, Annabeth's coming over. Shit. _Shit_. I gotta go before she sees what I'm writing-


	33. Chapter 33

Dear FanFiction,

I would love for you all to submit you letters and ideas to this story. In the reviews, write a letter to your favorite, least favorite, or any character in the PJO series, and I will dedicate a chapter for them to reply to you. Your name and letter will be included in the chapter though. Please submit this in the following example format:

_Dear Ares,_

_Why in the name of Leo Valdez can't you just get along with everyone? It would make life so much easier for everyone! Seriously!_

_-Kimmie G914, Daughter of Poseidon __**(Sorry for using you as an example, Kimmie!)**_

Do you get it? It's not that hard. Not every chapter from here on out will be like that, but some of them will be. If you are unwilling to do this, then just leave a review telling me what character you want to write a chapter and what you want them to address in their letter. This would really help out. Oh and WARNING: There is a chance that you may be cussed out by the demigod, mortal, or god that responds to you. This is purely because it is a FanFiction and has NOTHING to do with my opinion whatsoever.

And on another note, my House of Hades in on a Hiatus for the month of May and some of June. Sorry about the inconvenience, but with all of these finals that I am taking and sports and other stuff, I just can't find time to post on that story. Plus, my personal family life sucks butt right now. The chapters are coming along very slowly, but they are nonetheless. So thank you all for the continued support! And thank you all for the crazy reviews and comments you leave me. You guys always manage to make my day better:)

Love now and forever,

Blondie B. Happy, Daughter of Athena


	34. Chapter 34

Dear Clarisse,

After all the years you've known him, do you have ANY respect for Percy? He kinda saved the world.

-Qwerty616120, Daughter of Athena

**. . . . . . . . .**

Dear FanFiction,

Are you being serious right now? He didn't do shit to save the world. All he did was give Luke a sword to stab himself with. I very well could've done the same thing. Even Clovis could've done that! Respect should be given to people who deserve it, and right now, I don't care what he has done; he has none of mine.

-Clarisse La Rue, Daughter of Ares


	35. Chapter 35

Dear Drew,

What's your favorite make-up product?

-greekgeek25

**. . . . . . . . .**

Dear FanFiction,

Now, that's a hard one. I love to use Bare Minerals for foundation purposes, and they are, by far, my favorite brand out there. Ulta is my favorite store, because I could literally spend years wandering through the isles. I like Clinique products too. For nails, I like OPI, because the colors just look AMAZING on me. But my favorite thing that I use is mascara. It totally brings out my eyes:)

Later bitches,

Drew Tanaka, Daughter of Aphrodite


	36. Chapter 36

Dear FanFiction,

This is a script. Say the bold parts out loud, and the italicized parts are me.

_Hey you!_

**-Who Me?**

_Yeah you!_

**-Jesus?**

_Guess what?_

**-What?**

_No, take a guess._

**-Um, Percabeth lemons?**

_WHAT? No, you perv. And to think I thought I had decent readers... pfft, as if, you bunch of pedobears!_

**-For the love of the gods, just tell me!**

_Okay then. The House of Hades cover will be released this Friday, May the 31st._

~Connor Stoll, Son of Hermes


	37. Chapter 37

Dear FanFiction,

What's up with all these girls making duck faces? What supposed to be so hot about that? To me, they look like they just ate something sour or had really bad botox.

Yours truly,

Nico di Angelo, Son of Hades


	38. Chapter 38

Dear Percy,

What would you do if Annabeth dumped you?

From CRAZYPJOGIRL

...Epic Line Break...

Dear FanFiction,

Oh gods, don't even let me think that might happen. You don't know how much that would ruin me if she did that, because I really do love her.

-Percy Jackson, son of Poseidon


	39. Chapter 39

Dear FanFiction,

Holy Shit on a Shingle...

Okay, so I've had the worst day ever. After taking a 75 question Science Final that I probably failed and eating no lunch and doing too much algebra, I came home excited to look at the cover for the House of Hades, which was released this morning at 9 AM, and rumored to be one of the best covers yet.

That was ruined when I found out that I was locked out of my stupid house:(

But now, four hours later, I am finally inside and I have finally looked at the House of Hades book cover (You can go see this on Rick Riordan's blog, Myth & Mystery)

I'm having major fangasms and minor heart attacks from the beautiful piece of artwork I have just looked at.

Where do I even begin? I started screaming and running around in circles when I saw it. The cover is set in dark tones, with lots of black and dark, fiery orange and a touch of bluish-white on the bottom. There are monsters everywhere and lava all over the place, and perhaps it is the Doors of Death that I see in the background, secured to the rocks by chains, but I can't be too sure. The best part of the cover is...

Percy and Annabeth.

My favorite fictional couple looks to be in terrible condition. They are both covered in dirt and their clothes are in tatters. Percy has Riptide in his hand as he tries to make his way to the Doors. The saddest and most heart-wrenching part, though, is that he is holding Annabeth up and supporting her. he practically dragging her, trying to keep her out of the lava and away from the monsters. She looks to be unconscious, and you see Percy looking just over his shoulder. That white-blue thing on the bottom seems to be pulling them, and they are fighting to get away from it.

*Sighs greatly and holds back a sob* This is gonna be a LONG wait until October to see what this cover means. Remember: the first chapter of the House of Hades will be released in the ebook of the Son of Sobek, which comes out on June... maybe 18th? Some time around then. Until then, we can only read our fanfictions and dream for the best.

May the Percabeth be with you,

Blondie B. Happy, Daughter of Athena


	40. Chapter 40

Dear FanFiction,

You think you can save Perseus Jackson and Annabeth Chase from the fate that they will receive? Then you would be wise to think again! They will be the sacrifices that will awaken me. I shall rule over this world and the many others, and you, dear readers, will be my slaves. Those who think twice will rot in the Underworld and live in Tartarus. Those who join me will live like gods. And demigods shall be no longer existent. Say goodbye, puny FanFictioners...

-Gaea, The Earth Mother


	41. Chapter 41

Dear Percy,

I am a huge Pertemis supporter and I wanted to know what your thoughts on the subject were.

-Shadowdragon442, Son of Hades

...Just a line break, don't mind me...

Dear FanFiction,

Don't get me wrong, Artemis is a pretty awesome goddess, but I just don't see how anything between us would ever work. I'm not even sure how that pairing came to be. Besides, Artemis is an eternal maiden; she hates guys and would never, ever date one, especially me. And I am dating Annabeth. Fandoms are so confusing sometimes...

-Percy Jackson


	42. Chapter 42

Dear FanFiction,

Hey, you know you can read The Son of Sobek for free online, right? There are multiple websites that you can go to and read about my adventure with that guy Percy Jackson... oh wait, I'm on the wrong fandom. Crap. I hate it when this happens... Um, you never saw me, or heard, or whatever...

-Carter Kane... That's all you need to know.

**(A/N: What I just wrote makes more sense if you've read the Son of Sobek. If you want to know how to read it, just PM me, or you can email me at: Bookiethunder *insert at sign* gmail *dot here* com.)**


	43. Chapter 43

Dear FanFiction,

That bitch- I mean, my wife, Aphrodite (or whatever she is to me), and I are in a fight again. I mean, it's probably my fault, me being the God of War and all, and I should be okay with fighting, but she gets whiny and annoying and relentless. Help us end this by choosing a side: Ares vs. Aphrodite. Which one of us is better and why? And if you don't choose me, I'll turn you into a cockroach and step on you, then flush you down a toilet.

-Ares, the God of War


	44. Chapter 44

Dear FanFiction,

ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! You mortals have started to write smut stories pairing me with Leo Valdez? What is wrong with you people?

- Lady Hera, Queen of Olympus


	45. Chapter 45

Dear FanFiction,

Have you seen the interior cover for the Special Edition of the House of Hades? It has a TURTLE on it! John Rocco, you always make our adventures look amazing! And, um, FYI: That turtle isn't me.

Sincerely,

Frank Zhang, Son of Mars


	46. Chapter 46

Dear FanFiction,

Oh. My. Gods. *insert fangirl screams*

I have no idea how to tell you to find this, but if you search around on 'House of Hades' tumblrs, you can find the first page of the House of Hades. It's from Hazel's POV, and... AHHHH! I freaked out when I saw it and started dancing. Then I told my friend, and together we read it! YOU MUST READ IT! I saved it, so if you want to see it, you can email me at: bookiethunder (at sign) gmail (dot here) com. If not, then just search 'house of hades tumblr' and select the first result. Search around a little bit and you'll see the first page! It looks are official and everything!

-Blondie B. Happy, Daughter of Athena


	47. Chapter 47

Dear FanFiction,

"Posted by demigodsanswer:

What if the ending to the series is twelve-year old Percy living with Gabe after his mother died and all of his adventures were elaborate fantasies he came up with to cope with his mother's death and his abusive step father?"

What?

YOU MEAN TO TELL ME THAT I'M NOT REAL? Of course I'm real. I'm Leo fucking Valdez. I twerk for girls and get all the ladies. I'm the leader of the Team Leo fan club. I'm the Supreme Commander of the Argo II, which I also built with my bare, calloused hands! I can shoot fire out of my ass, and you mean to tell me that I am just a 'fantasy' dreamt up by abused, twelve-year-old Percy? Nope. Nope. NOPE!

I swear Rick, if that is how my entire life ends, I will get my entire fan club to murder you! Scratch that. Coach Hedge will come and whack you until... wait a minute. That wouldn't be possible, because if it was a dream there'd be no Coach. And that means no fan club...Whoa, mindfuck...

-Leo Valdez, a very angry cupcake

**A/N: Hey guys. My life has officially gone to shit. As many of you know, I've been going through some hard things in my life, but today was the last straw. I don't feel like writing that much anymore. I'll try to keep doing it, but I just don't even know. Hopefully I can continue on my normal schedule, but now you guys know that the shit has officially hit the fan. -BBH**


	48. Chapter 48

Dear FanFiction,

So, this is pretty much how the series has been, I guess.

"Posted by 17gunterr:

The Lost Hero: Where's Percy?

The Son of Neptune: There's Percy.

The Mark of Athena: Found Percy and a statue.

The House of Hades: Shit."

Yep. That about sums it all up for you. Don't even bother reading the series. Just read that and you'll understand everything.

-Percy Jackson, Son of Poseidon


	49. Chapter 49

Dear FanFiction,

Why, in the name of Atlas, do thee make so many stories pairing me with Perseus? I am a Huntress, an eternal maiden, not a whore that wants to hang around with people like Perseus Jackson. Perseus and I are barely even friends, let alone lovers. The most we will ever be are partners on the battlefield, for we fight for the same purposes.

-Zoe Nightshade, Daughter of Atlas, Former Lieutenant of Artemis


	50. Chapter 50

Dear FanFiction,

Students, Mortals, Demigods, do you release what tomorrow marks? Why, tomorrow is the day that the first chapter of the House of Hades shall be released...

Sincerely,

Chiron the Centaur


	51. Chapter 51

Dear FanFiction,

***Warning: This contains spoilers. Read at your own risk. It's my review for Son of Sobek and House of Hades Chapter 1***

Okay, so if you don't know yet, you can buy The Son of Sobek as an ebook right now, and the ebook contains the first chapter of the House of Hades. So, this morning at like 1:30 AM, I went to the Nook store and tried to buy it, but it kept saying that it was only available for preorder. I was like, "Um, it's June 18th now, so what the fuck? MAKE IT AVAILABLE!"

I finally fell asleep and woke up at 11 AM (I hate mornings). I checked the Nook store again and it was still only available for preorder. Finally, I said screw it and just preordered the book. Well, it started downloading into my Library like a normal Nookbook, so apparently the entire Nook store is just jacked up. Whatever. It took thirty freaking minutes to download, so I watched PewDiePie's new 'Last of Us' video, which was thirty minutes too. Thankfully, once the video was done, so was the download.

Well the book turned out to be only 37 pages! And over half of that was the Son of Sobek... ugh. But the Son of Sobek was a very good book, and I am hoping that in the future Rick Riordan will make a sequel to it, because it kind of has that cliffhanger factor to it. Long story short, Percy asks Carter how they will meet each other again if anything bad happens, so Carter draws the Eye of Horus on Percy's hand. he says something like, "If you need to contact me, just call my name and I'll be there." And the story ends with Carter thinking to himself, because now there's some kid named Percy running around with a hieroglyph on his hand, and it's only a matter of time before they meet again.

Anyway, onto the House of Hades, chapter 1!

First of all, it was WAY too short. Actually, the entire ebook was too short. These 37 pages were over four dollars... but I bought it anyway. But the first chapter is only like six or seven pages, which is too short for me. But what am I saying? I'm not Rick Riordan... BUT HE HAS TORTURED ME WITH FIRST CHAPTER! Thankfully, it wasn't as bad as The Lost Hero's sneak preview. Or the Son of Neptune's. Or the Mark of Athena's. Actually, it's pretty good with not that much of a cliffhanger, but it still leaves you wanting more.

Okay, it's from Hazel's POV (I really wanted Percy's or Annabeth's, but I guess not) There are these things attacking the Argo II called the ourae in Greek, and numina montanum in Latin. They're mountain gods. The group is trying to pass through the northern mountains in Italy to get the Greece, but they can't because these sons of bitches- I mean, Gaea, are attacking the ship.

So, Leo, Hazel, and Nico are on guard duty or watch or whatever you wanna call it. Jason, Piper, and Frank are asleep because they've been watching all day. Finally, after the ourae keep attacking the ship over and over again, Leo brings out these giant Celestial Bronze cannons and shoots the crap out of them. Sadly, that does little and only annoys them. But no sadly, they get through the mountains! Yay!

The group is totally falling apart. Without Percy and Annabeth, they've almost stopped working together. Leo hasn't rested at all since they fell into Tartarus and is angry and not as happy as he usually is:( Any time Nico mentions Percy or Annabeth, his voice cracks and he gets all teary-eyed. Hazel is distraught about them, but she knows that they are alive, which is good. But the group is falling apart; even Hazel admits it. She says something like, "Percy was the backbone and Annabeth was the brains."

The chapter ends with Hazel seeing a blurry things below them, and she is positive that it is Arion. Leo thinks so too. She makes Leo land the ship because she says that she has to meet him and that she thinks he's trying to tell her something. Leo's cautious, because after all, Earth=Gaea. But Hazel says to just get close and let her use the ladder to get down. And that marks the end of the chapter. Personally, I think Hazel's a little crazy and that it's probably going to end up really bad, because when do they ever have good luck?

Here's a little teaser for you guys who can't buy the ebook and are waiting for it to be released online later this summer:

_Percy Jackson, son of Poseidon... probably the demigod Hazel admired the most. He'd saved her life so many time on their quest to Alaska; but when he had needed Hazel's help in Rome, she'd failed him. She'd watched, powerless, as he and Annabeth had plunged into that pit..._

See? They're falling apart. They all feel guilty about what happened. But I am nice, so here's is one more teaser:

_"Stupid rock gods!" Leo yelled from the helm. "That's the third time I've had to replace that mast! You think they grow on trees?"_

_Nico frowned. "Masts are from trees."_

_"That's not the point!"_

So, what are your thoughts on the first chapter of House of Hades, if you've read it? Tell me! Who's excited?

-Blondie B. Happy, Daughter of Athena


	52. Chapter 52

Dear Conner and Travis,

What your favorite prank you've ever done?

Yours truly,  
Uuuh idk daughter of Athena

. . . . . . . .

Dear FanFiction,

Okay, Conner here: I think the best prank we did was when we put spiders in the Athena cabin while they were asleep. Seriously, we put them on their heads, in their pillows, and even in the toilets. They were in their clothes and all over their books. All we had to do was wait until they woke up and then there were only screams. The guys sounded like little girls and the girl broke eardrums. They RAN LIKE CRAZY! They could all be track stars!

Travis now: I liked the time we put powder in everyone's drinks. It made half the people at camp pee different colors. They all ran to Chiron and were like, "Man, I'm pissing pink! What's wrong with me?" And Chiron had no idea at all what had happened. There wasn't any explanation and nectar and ambrosia wouldn't do anything. It was hilarious.

-Conner and Travis Stoll, Sons of Hermes


	53. Chapter 53

Dear FanFiction,

Posted on Rick Riordan's Twitter during a Q&A:

"_ Q: I feel like camphalfblood secretly hates Percabeth/ A: Not at all! But if they were never in peril, the books would be BORING! Five hundred pages of Percy and Annabeth, sitting in the park, holding hands and chatting with no troubles in the world, and Zzzzzzzzz."_

RICK, MY MAN! Have you ever thought about us? I think Annabeth and I would enjoy that a lot!

-Percy Jackson

**(A/N: Thanks for 1,000 reviews :D)**


	54. Chapter 54

Dear FanFiction,

Posted on Rick Riordan's Twitter Page:

"Okay, fan girls/guys: just learned the final version House of Hades is headed to printer. It's called the 'off to press' version, or OTP."

Rick, you're just shitting us now. Do you intentionally want to be murdered by tons of screaming fans and demigods? They're going to break into your house and steal your computer to learn all of your secrets. And OTP means One True Pair and Off To Press? This is one big epic mindfuck. You know what? Screw this. I'm done. I'm so freaking done with all of this. I'm moving onto the Twilight fandom. Team Edward, bitches!

-Leo Valdez, Son of Hephaestus

**(A/N:Thanks for nominating this story for Best Humor or Parody or whatever it was in the FanFiction Choice Awards by Lightning-at-221b. Check it out to vote for this and all of the other amazing stories nominated.)**


	55. Chapter 55

Dear FanFiction,

Hey. I'm back. The Twilight Fandom didn't exactly do it for me. Too many sparkly vampires and not enough emotions from some people. Sigh... Well, at least I can be rambunctious again with my Team Leo bitches! Wow, I've only been gone a day and I missed you guys so much!

-Leo Valdez


	56. Chapter 56

Dear FanFiction,

Have you ever wondered if Percy could surf? I mean, he is a son of Poseidon. He should be able to surf with no problems. When I was younger and asked him about it he looked at me like I had lost my mind, which I hadn't and still have not. I'll have to ask him about it again sometime... perhaps when he's out of Tartarus. Yeah, that'd be a good time.

-Nico di Angelo, son of Hades


	57. Chapter 57

Dear Fanfiction,

I've always wondered... why is Thalia afraid of heights, considering she's a daughter of Zeus? What happened to her to make her hate heights so much, and what is going to happen when Artemis decides they need to travel by air and her lieutenant refuses to do anything? What do you think happened to Thalia to make her hate heights?

-Percy


	58. Chapter 58

Dear FanFiction,

A really terrible, horrid thought just crossed my mind: If gods and mortals have children that are demigods, what if a god and monster had a kid? Would it be a 'demimon'? And what would it look like, and what camp would it go to? Would it be good or evil? The possibilities are endless, but just thinking about it makes me want to get sick.

Yours in FanFiction,

Frank Zhang, Son of Mars

**(A/N: I'm still away at Disney, so I have no idea when my other stories will be updated. I'll try to post as soon as I can.)**


	59. Chapter 59

Dear FanFiction,

Where did the word 'fandom' originate? Like, is it supposed to be the cross between 'fanfiction' and 'condom'? Please excuse the confusion but I just don't understand.

Yours truly,

The One and Only Leo Valdez


	60. Chapter 60

Dear FanFiction,

_"Posted on Rick Riordan's Twitter:_

_Finished manuscript for Percy Jackson's Greek Gods. (Full-length book, PJ retells the Greek myths) Had so much fun. Now off to my editor!"_

Shit. I can't wait to see how Seaweed Brain pulls this off. Hopefully dyslexia didn't get the best of him and he hasn't confused Hermes with Herpes again.

-Annabeth Chase, Daughter of Athena


	61. Chapter 61

Dear FanFiction,

So I was talking to Artemis the other day, and she was like, "I'm older than you and you know it. Quit trying to tell everyone else different!" And I was like, "Maybe you should quit being a lyre!" Haha, you get it? Lyre sounds like liar and... yeah, bad joke, don't judge me.

-Apollo, the God of Awesomeness


	62. Chapter 62

Dear FanFiction.

Do the baby centaurs travel around with the Party Ponies, because if so, that is not very healthy for them...?

-Grover Underwood


	63. Chapter 63

Dear FanFiction,

The trailer for the Sea of Monsters plays frequently on the television that you gods and mortals love to watch. Even in Tartarus, Medusa keeps one for us to watch on. Is that giant piece of demon spawn fire lord shit supposed to be me? As much as I wish I had risen by then, I hadn't. Dammit, you directors and producers will all rot in the Fields of Punishment if this movie is screw up too (unless, of course, you have us Titans winning the war and murdering all the demigods and gods. Then you all will become immortal.)

-Kronos, Titan of Time


	64. Chapter 64

Dear Reyna,

Have you ever wondered what it would be like to date Percy and be co-praetors together? Like if Annabeth and Jason were out of the picture? Just wondering!

Yours Truly,  
raeganb123, Clear-sighted mortal and Preyna shipper.

. . . .LINE BREAK OF EPICNESS. . . .

Dear FanFiction,

I... I have not. Though many people suspect that I tried to, and I quote, "make a move on Percy," that was never my intention in the first place. When I asked Percy to be praetor with me, I barely knew him, but he'd come to the camp with the blessing of Juno and on the exact same day Mars showed up and gave him, Frank, and Hazel a quest. Of course that made me wonder about him. Though we Romans normally don't like Neptune, there is no denying how powerful the sea god is.

I wanted Percy to be praetor with me because he was the best person we had for the job. Jason was missing and Octavian was going to become praetor if someone else didn't step up to the plate, so I asked Percy to become praetor. He obviously had great leadership qualities, too, which we needed during our time of distress. He said no, and later only became praetor for a day.

Honestly, I have no romantic interests in Percy. Yes, he is very good looking and definitely respectable, for he saved the camp, but I don't think we would ever work out together as a couple. I don't think we could work together to run the camp. I believe Percy needs to be at Camp Half-Blood to lead the Greeks and I need to stay at Camp Jupiter to lead the Romans. Even if Jason and Annabeth were out of the picture, I can't really imagine that relationship.

Thanks for understanding,

Praetor Reyna of New Rome


	65. Chapter 65

Dear Hera,

What type of tampons do you use? Because they don't seem to be working.

RavenclawValdez007, daughter of Apollo

. . . Don't mind the line break **(A/N: May I just say... "YOU GOT BURNED HERA!")**. . .

Dear FanFiction,

How dare you, you fucking half-blood girl. I am the Queen of Olympus. You have no right to even think those things about me. I will turn you into a cow and have you slaughtered for thinking such things. You little piece of demigod shit. You are the reason I will never, ever have kids, because you are all an embarrassment.

-Hera, the Queen of Olympus

* * *

Dear Leo,

First off, don't freak out about my name. Be honored.  
Second, I have a question for you. Did you know that you are not on the Favorite Male Characters List on Blondie B. Happy's account page?

RavenclawValdez007, daughter of Apollo

. . .Another line break of awesome **(A/N: I do love you Leo. I just love Percy more)**. . .

Dear FanFiction,

Come again? I'm not on the Blondie's Favorite Male Characters List?! Bitch B. Happy, I'm gonna murder you. Does this mean you aren't Team Leo? Gods, the nerve of some people, especially you authors.

-Leo Valdez


	66. Chapter 66

Dear FanFiction,

NEW PERCY JACKSON STORY! It'll be out on 9/17 in Guys Read, edited by Jon Scieszka. My guess is that it is a short story anthology for guys who don't like to read... but hey, I'm a girl and I love to read. I really want to read it, but I don't want to purchase the entire book... will someone make it into an Epub?

What do you think the story is going to be about? I have absolutely no idea.

-Blondie B. Happy


	67. Chapter 67

Dear FanFiction,

***Spoilers of the Sea of Monsters movie. Read at your own risk or skip down to the end when the spoilers are over***

Well, I saw the Sea of Monsters last night, August 6th, at the 10 o'clock PM showing.

Where do I begin?

I wasn't really expecting much from the movie, considering the Lightning Thief was... well, you know. So when my friend McKenzie called yesterday morning asking if I wanted to go see it with her, I said yes, because I am a Percy Jackson addict and I like to be in the know. We both love PJO (she's a Leo Valdez freak). We watched the first movie again before going off to see the movie with our other friend Emily, who read the first three PJO books.

I'll admit that while the opening credits were playing, my heart was all aflutter. I knew it wouldn't be like the book, but I was still excited. I had the Senior Citizens special (extra small popcorn and extra small soda), and a GIANT bags of Reese's, so I was all like, "Come at me, bro. I'm so ready!"

Okay, the movie wasn't terrible. I'd see it again, but it wasn't like the book at all.

Pros: The movie was hilarious. I love how they make it just as funny as the books. The best part was at the end, when Grover rips off his wedding dress and is like, "I'm a DUDE!" I laughed so much at that part. I loved how they finally had the flashbacks to Grover, Annabeth, Luke, and Thalia trying to make it to Camp. Hermes was great. Luke was Luke, and Clarisse, though prettier than she should've been, was cool. There were hints of my beloved Percabeth in it, which made me all happy. The hippocampi were beautiful. The movie had some very shocking moments that I wasn't expecting, even though I'd read the book. And Thalia looks like a complete and total badass. Like, seriously, she looks epic and just like I imagined.

Cons: They've butchered the plot again. Percy and Tyson don't meet at school, Percy and Annabeth never go to Circe's Island (instead, they go to Circeland, an abandoned amusement park), Clarisse never gets her prophecy, and Ethan, Silena, and Chris were in it betraying the Camp. Tyson wasn't dumb enough to me (is that bad?). Annabeth acted a little too damsel in distress to me. I didn't like how a new actor plays Chiron. Mr D. was ehhh. And for me, the worst part was how they changed the Great Prophecy. I know they had to, since Percy, Annabeth, and Grover are like sixteen or seventeen, but it goes something like this if I remember correctly.

A half-blood of the eldest gods  
Shall reach twenty against the odds  
And see the world in endless sleep  
An Evil's soul cursed blade shall reap  
A single choice will end his days  
Olympus to preserve or raze

So, that made me mad. I get they had to because of the age difference, but they didn't need to put 'an Evil's soul' because that gives away to much.

***Spoilers are done***

Have you seen the movie yet? Are you planning on seeing it? If you have, were you disappointed or did you like it?

-Blondie B. Happy, Daughter of Athena


	68. Chapter 68

Dear Percy,

Happy Early B-day! Did you know there's a movie about you? You look freaking 16 in the Lightning Thief, and you still look 16ish in Sea of Monsters. They changed the prophecy, so instead of being 16 when you fight Kronos, you're 20. What would you do if you had to do the prophecy from the movie instead of the normal one?

-MultiLevelsofMusic

. . . It's Friday! Friday! Gotta get down on Friday! La la la la-Oh, didn't see you there *Blushes* um... I'm just a line break?. . .

Dear FanFiction,

First of all, thank you for the birthday wishes! I guess I'm still going to be sixteen, as I have been for years. That's the weird thing about being a character, but that it off subject. I have heard about these movies about me, and it really does annoy me that they had someone like Logan Lerman play me. He would've been good as me in the Last Olympian and so forth, but anytime before then... not so much.

I'm shocked that they changed the prophecy, but honestly, fighting Kronos at the age of 20 would've been a lot easier, because by then, I would've had a lot more practice and I would've been smarter. I'm guessing that it would've been better for me because I would know how to do more things I would've been a better fighter, but there's nothing I can do about that now. I just have to sit back and watch the movie.

Well, and survive Tartarus. Can't forget about that...

-Percy Jackson


	69. Chapter 69

Dear FanFiction,

Oh, how I've waited for this chapter... if you know what I mean *wink, wink* So... who wants to be with Leo _all night long_? I'm selling my body to the highest bidder, because, well... this is a very special chapter.

-Leo Valdez, Supreme Commander of the Argo II, Son of Hephaestus, and one freaking sexy beast


	70. Chapter 70

Dear FanFiction,

Sometimes, I try to understand you writers. But then I find Rated M stories pairing me with Percy Jackson! Really? What makes you guys write things like this? Do you find joy in seeing my pain, because if so, I'll turn you into a patch of wheat and have you made into a loaf of bread! It's not funny!

Yours Truly,

Demeter, Goddess of the Harvest

****Winner for highest Leo bidder: RavenclawValdez007, who put, "Whatever the highest bid is, I bid that plus one drachma." You can't really beat that. Congrats to you, and thank you all for placing 30+ bids! Leo's very happy and feels loved!****

_Dear RavenclawValdez007,_

_Baby, thank you for placing all that money on me. Come to Camp Half-Blood, and I'll be there waiting for you! My body is ready! (Winky face)_

_-Leo_


	71. Chapter 71

Dear FanFiction,

Nason stories? Really? Has the world come to that? Must you now pair me with Nico? Do people really ship that?

-Jason Grace


	72. Chapter 72

Dear FanFiction,

The eighteenth of August is a very special day. It's the day Percy and I got together. It's the day the Titan War ended, but also... Well... From all of us here, HAPPY BIRTHDAY PERCY! We love you!

Love always,

Annabeth and the Percy Jackson Fan Club


	73. Chapter 73

Dear FanFiction,

I hope you understand that we gods see it as humans being the oddities interfering with our normal lifestyle. We see it as though you are nuisances to the way of life of demigods and gods. You all are like little pests that get on our nerves. Like ants... you swarm by the thousands. Millions even. It's very annoying, and you all wonder why people get struck by lightning. They're the ones the exceptionally get on my bad side.

Of course, you all come up with 'logical' explanations for these things. Your logic fails my mind, but the Mist does work in the oddest of way, I assume.

-Lord Zeus of the Skies, King of Olympus

* * *

Dear Zeus,

Well, you know what they say about people who assume...

-Percy, your FAVORITE demigod


	74. Chapter 74

Dear FanFiction,

Here is the ultimate question, finally deciding between two demigods that many people have mixed feelings about. I am good friends with both and I have known both for a while. I would trust both of them with my life. So... Jason or Percy? The Son of Jupiter or the Son of Nep-I mean, Poseidon? Which one do you like better? Which do you hate more? Why?

From,

Hazel Levesque, daughter of Pluto


	75. Chapter 75

Dear FanFiction,

Wow. Literally 95 percent of you guys chose Percy over me. Way to make me feel loved. Thank you to those few who liked me or just said both.

-Jason Grace, son of Jupiter

**(A/N: Sorry for lack of updates, but school started again and it's CRAZY! Also... I chose Percy last chapter too... :D)**


	76. Chapter 76

Dear FanFiction,

You know who twerks better than Miley Cyrus? Everyone! But you know who twerks better than everyone? Me! Yeah, Miley Cyrus is a bit of a disappointment in that department. I should really make a YouTube video of myself twerking. Would you guys watch that? Would you subscribe to me?

And what would I wear? That costume that Miley wore... Oh, wait! I could upload it on XTube and then I could twerk naked. Yes, all da ladies would love that, am I right?

ALL THE BITCHES IN THE CLUB SAY EEEEYHOOO!

-Sir Leo Valdez the Sexy


	77. Chapter 77

**(A/N: If you're on my emailing list, you've already received what I mention in the chapter... also, there haven't been updates because school is a bitch and I've been getting home at 8 or 9 every day because of tennis and band. Yesterday I got home at 11 after doing marching band for 9 hours:( So, I'm a little tired and don't feel like writing. SO SORRY! Also, thanks SO much for the reviews! We passed 1800! WOWZERS! Thanks:) **

Dear FanFiction,

So, recently, there was a post on Tumblr of the best tweets of Rick Riordan: 2013. We have all had some... thoughts about these, and we decided to share them.

. . .

1st: _"I already killed off nico and leo lmao"_

Leo: LMAO?! I am not laughing my ass off at that! What the hell, bro? Rick, I thought you were like the mortal father I never wanted. Seriously, what the fu-

Nico: Dude, calm down. As you can see, we aren't dead... unless, he's like Rachel and his predicting the... OH HELL NO!

. . .

2nd: _"Q:WHICH IS YOUR FAVORITE COUPLE IN THE SERIES? /Thalico is a work of genius tbh x"_

Thalia: Riordan, you had better be lying, or I swear, this arrow is going to land smack dab between your eyes.

Nico: I can't shoot, but I'll do something worse than that to you. We have a brother/sister relationship at best!

. . .

3rd: _"my son just asked me if Leo makes it out alive LOOOOOOL so funny and cute :') x"_

Leo: Rick... We. Are. Over.

. . .

4th: _"I had a really hot Percabeth sex scene all written up but my editor wouldn't let it be published :("_

Annabeth: That's a good thing too, because a lot of you readers really are perverts. You don't need to know about my relationship with Percy other than what we tell you guys about. That's why you have FanFiction and a Rated M category.

Percy: Annabeth, have you read some of those oneshots? Some of them have actually-

Annabeth: Shut up before I slap you Seaweed Brain.

. . .

5th: _"Q: WHAT SONG DO YOU LISTEN TO WHEN YOU WRITE ABOUT PERCABETH? /usually "It's Over Now" by Deborah Cox and "We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together" by Taylor Swift._

Percy: Well, I'll have you know that our relationship is fine and we get along great, thank you very much.

Yours on FF,

Leo, Nico, Thalia, Leo, Percy, Annabeth, and Leo.


	78. Chapter 78

Dear FanFiction,

Anyone else realize that the House of Hades will be released in exactly one month from today?

Okay, gimme a second to back before all you fangirls and guys go cray-cray...

-Frank Zhang


	79. Chapter 79

Dear FanFiction,

May all of the people who lost their lives or loved ones in the 9/11 attack in 2001 rest in peace. I was in New York at school when it happened, and I remember going into lock down and not knowing what was exactly going on. I remember seeing the smoke. My mom had even been at work near the towers.

-Percy Jackson


End file.
